My first experience of heartbreak

Before you all read in to this, its nothing to do with a boy, sorry to disappoint. 

I experienced my first heartbreak only recently so its still a touchey subject. I lost an  Ireland intermediate Club camogie final with my other team mates and management. When you are generally a competitive person, its not nice to lose on the best pitch in ireland, Croke Park. For any of you non-sporty types, this is basically the biggest thing that can happen in a players camogie career. You can get to an all ireland final with your secondary school or college and even with your county, but getting there with your club and experiencing it with the girls you grew up playing the sport with is extra special because on the other cases, there just isn't as strong a bond as there is with the girls you grew up with. 

So Unfortunately we didn't win but I am happy to have experienced it with my best friends. Probably a bit cringe-worthy coming from me but I did enjoy it. It was my first time playing in croke park and just because we didn't win, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy getting to that stage. 

The morning of the all-ireland was different to others. I woke up and straight away I went downstairs to have a walk around the garden to wake up. The weather was so nice so I was feeling really positive. I sat at the table listening to music while I ate my breakfast and tried not to think about the game. I met with the girls at our local GAA pitch and got on to the bus. It was quiet at first but when everyone got on, it was grand. We were just chatting away about random stuff and having a laugh. I had a few moments of nerves to myself where I thought back over the last few months and the challenge matches we played to prepare for the big one. I looked back over the year we had. In the beginning it was definitely a rocky start and I was unsure as how the year was going to plan out. There were changes. Changes which I actually liked. We needed something new to happen, and it did. Back to the day of the All Ireland Final now and I remember when we got to Dublin and we could see the stadium. The girls got nervous and I did too. The butterflies on my stomach got worse until we got off the bus. Then it was game face on. Time to focus. I was so excited. Running out on to the pitch with that roar behind you was my best memory of that day. I'll never forget it. When we were running out onto the pitch to go get the team photo done I just looked across when we were running and the look on girls faces were brilliant. We lined out and the match began. I had a sick feeling in my stomach when things began to go downhill for us. When they won the throw in and they got the first score I did panic a bit, but I kept my focus. One of our key players got a horrible injury and was forced to go off. The referee was an absolute C*nt by the way and I dont regret that statement either. It just felt like everything and everyone wanted to be against us that day. Like it wasnt faith. Then, we brought on a sub and I'd say 3 minutes on the field and the girl had broken her collarbone. That was when I knew it just wasnt going to be our day. The game progressed and we went in at half time losing on the score board. That dressing room was in a different way than it ever was all year. We knew what we had to do and so we said it all and the passion amd drive was injected back into pur heads. I 100% thought that we were going to come back in winners. The subs were so encouraging and got us pumped to get back out there and do what weve been doing all year. The second half was a step up, but it just wasnt good enough. I remember crying through my helmet in the last 15 minutes of the match and then Looking over at my team mate Aisling, who was full back, crying too. They just kept coming at us but we didnt give up. We knew we had lost but we still tried to stop them from scoring more. 

When that full time whistle went I couldnt hold in the tears. It was the worst feeling I ever experienced. Utter heartbreak. It just meant so much and to hear and see the other team jumping around and hugging eachother and celebrating was absolutely sickening. I didnt want to be there, I didnt want to be near them. Going back into that dressing room was painful. To look around at the girls faces and to see the heartbreak and pain they were also feeling. You might laugh if sport means nothing to you, but Its actually like someone dying! That was the 2nd All Ireland Final I ever played in and It was the second one Ive lost. Its a subject thats still difficult to talk about out loud and I know the girls are still hurting. It hurts because of the hard work and effort that went in to getting there. That night when we got back to Eyrecourt, and into the hall to see our families was probably the hardest part of the day for me. I hate crying but I just could not stop so I avoided everyone in the hall. It felt like we had let them down and then People were coming up and saying hard luck, I just could not do it so I went home to bed and decided to skip the pub with the girls after I went in for 5 minutes, had 3 people say hard luck and I left and went home. I didnt tell anyone for obvious reasons. I needed to be alone because it was genuinely a really depressing long day. That week after was just so depressing. When people brought up the match I had to leave the room. You dont want to hear Should have, could have, would have. Its stillbearly days to tall about where it went wrong and what we could have done at the time and i know Those of you who know this feeling will agree, but for the people who dont like sports or play them, and you have kept reading, this is what it feels like to lose something that means so much and is so important. It sport, and there has to be a winner and a loser and I've learned to accept that we were the losers but, in our season we were the winners. Maybe the start of 2016 has been pretty bleak but I have no doubt that we will be back and that everything will go our way. Hats off to Cahir cause they were top class. They were a team that had strengths where we lacked. Physicality. Anyways, enough about that, I have learnt a lot from that day. 

We trained hard for over 13 months since last January. Through the rain and snow and the horrible weather we had over the past year, we put in the hard work. Out of it all we did achieve our goal. We won the county final and we won the Connaught final. That feeling of winning the county final was a feeling I will forever remember. We finally did it. Ive been playing intermediate since I was 13 years old so Ive gone through all the losing with the girls, but in 2015 we went through the winning. That feeling of winning is addictive. When i look at kilkenny and wonder if they ever get sick of winning, I can see why they dont. Its like a drug! When you win one match, you get a rush and it excites you. You feel superior with your team and you want to win again. Winning makes you stronger and mentally so I can see why Kilkenny dont get sick of it. 

So even though after losing the All-Ireland, I've taken it different to others. I'm just really motivated to push on and get going again to get back training and trying to reach that far again.I've come to the realization that I am young and that there is time for another All Ireland to come my way and I'd really hope that the older girls think that too. Time is never an issue. It took me a while to actually go and publish this post because I didn't want to offend or upset any of the girls. But that's what It feels like to lose an All Ireland Club Final and hopefully I can write a post one day of what it feels like to Win An All Ireland Club Final.